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CASBS Song

It was in California
In Stanford, California
When nights were wild with revelry,
And life was but a game.
There lived, so the report is an
Adventuress and courtesan
The pride of California
And Thais was her name

Near by in peace and piety
Observant of society,
There dwelt a band of holy men
Who'd found a refuge there
And in their hillside solitude
Each spurned all earthly folly to
Devote himself to scholarship,
While waiting out a chair.

Now the one I solely mention
Of this band of holy men
His name was Gardner Lindzey,
He was famous wide and far
At publishing whate'er with him
No other could compare with him
At writing grant proposals, he
Could do the course in par.

One day while pacing heavily
From struggling with the devil, he
Had written two proposals and,
Was suffering from the strain,
He heard the distant sound of rock,
And though it put his ears in shock,
He pointed his binoculars
At the campus once again.

He looked at California
At Stanford, California
A band was boldly playing near
A frat house loud and rude
And Thais, she was dancing there
And Gardner, who was glancing there,
Observed her do the shimmy in
What artists call the nude.

Said he this view binocular
Though some would find it jocular,
Might tempt some younger Fellow now,
To leave his monkish cell.
I blush up to the hat o' me
To view that girl's anatomy
I'll go down to that frat house and
Behavior study well.

Our man though warned and fortified
Was deeply shocked and mortified
To find on his arrival, wild
Debauchery in sway.
While some lay in a stupor sent
By booze of more than two percent
The others were behaving in
A most immoral way.

Said he to Thais: "Pardon me,
Although this job is hard on me
I got to put you wise to what
I've come down here to tell.
What's all this sousing getting you
Cut out this pie-eyed retinue
Let's hit the trail together kid
And save your soul from hell".

Although this bold admonishment
Caused Thais some astonishment,
She coyly answered: "Say you said
A heaping mouthful bo,
All this fraternal pignity.
Ain't keeping with my dignity,
Besides you look more hetero,
I'll put on my jeans and go".

They left the frat house stealthily
And crossed the freeway healthily
And quickly reached the Center where
Behavior they research.
A typewriter was found for her,
A study safe and sound for her
Frat phone calls she refused to take,
She'd left them in the lurch.

But Gardner now is terrified,
To find his fears are verified,
His academic honesty
Has cracked beneath the strain
Lusting now to do it he
Applies his ingenuity
And gets a grant to study up
The shimmy once again.

Alas his pleadings clamorous,
Though passionate and amorous,
Have come too late, the courtesan
Has danced her final dance.
She's cut the knot that's Gordian
And got her own grant Fordian
For field work in Antarctica
On penguin style romance.